Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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