The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
