Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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