i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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