It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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