wrigley field is MILF paradise
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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