how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
