All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
