Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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