is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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