Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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