I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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