Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
