I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
