if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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