so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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