Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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