I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
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This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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