so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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