Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
