i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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