Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
