i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
