Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
