I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
