people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
