I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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