I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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