I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
