i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
