i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
