When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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