You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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