Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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