so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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