Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
