It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
