just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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