went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
