he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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