Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
