I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
