Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
