I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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