listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
