Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
