He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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