my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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