That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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