i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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