She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
