happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
