We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
