I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
