I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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