sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
