some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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