I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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