Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
