I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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